Feeling the Fear and Doing it Anyway

Ever left a job interview feeling like:

We've all been there. You were a little inexperienced. You didn't know what to expect. You thought you could wing it. When asked to identify your greatest weakness you replied: "I don't have any".

Oh god. Yes this is a personal anecdote and yes I still feel the shame to this day. Since this mortifying display of accidental arrogance however, things have steadily improved for me on the interview front. 

I never have been, and doubtfully ever will be, that person who can just stroll into an interview and blow the interviewers away with displays natural confidence and charm. No. I get that rash, you know that one that you get from anxiety, and it creeps up your neck and makes you look like you are literally on the edge of your life. It's not great and certainly not a reassuring visual for professionals. Anyway.

Last week I went for a job interview for a temporary paid part-time role as a Postgraduate Assessor within my university. I went for the role for two key reasons. First, the position would require me to serve as a second interviewer for a careers module in which third year undergraduates are assessed via a mock job interview. As I'm using interviews in my research, I figured that gaining more practical interviewing experience could be no bad thing. Second, the interview required me to prepare and deliver a 5 minute presentation, followed by a 30 minute round of usual interview questions. I'd never had to do this before, so I thought I'd just see if I could. If I didn't get the job, it would feel crap but I'd just have to dedicate the next few days to coaxing my ego back up off the deck/drinking wine and ranting into mirrors to rebuild confidence* and it would be fine.

*she jokes

I should point out here that prior to my interview the optimistic side of me had thought about what a funny blog post I could write when recounting the fresh hell I'd let spill from my lips behind the walls of the interview room.

It really shouldn't be but it's almost anti-climatic. I got the job. 

For once in my life, I'd managed to appear (somewhat) cool, (borderline) calm and (convincingly) collected. 

I felt the fear and I did it anyway.

Kath 

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Research Round Up #1

I went back to basics this week and literally researched research questions; how to narrow them down, how to structure them, how to embed concepts and just generally how to tighten everything up just that bit more. 

It's a tedious process, and I can't help but feel like a child with yet another drawing each time my supervision meetings roll around. There really is no dignity in it. In I go, month in, month out, offering up the fruits of my labour in cupped hands, eager eyes looking up at them, blinking expectantly. 

Each time, my supervisors openly play 'devils advocate' with my research/life/pride. I know one day I will probably appreciate their doing this more than I can put into words, because I do sort of feel like I am already undergoing some form of personal and academic transformation. At the moment however, such techniques can feel like the cruellest of tripwires. Funny how this never seems to put us off though... * <are all PhD students intellectual sadomasochists..?> *

I diverge. Getting back to basics with research questions:

Nicholas Walliman, 2011. Your Research Project: Designingand Planning Your Work, 3rd Edition, London: Sage.

Most research problems are difficult, or even impossible to solve without breaking them down into smaller problems. Does one aspect have to be researched before another aspect can be begun? The sub-problems should delineate the scope of the work, and, taken together, should define the entire problem to be tackled as summarized in the main problem (P.36-7).  

Anselm Strauss and Juliet Corbin, 1998. Basics ofQualitative Research: Techniques and Procedures for Developing Grounded Theory,London: Sage.

Formulating Research Questions in Qualitative Research.

Underlying this approach to qualitative research is the assumption that all of the concepts pertaining to a given phenomenon have not yet been identified, at least not in this population or place. Or, if so, then the relationships between the concepts are poorly understood or conceptually undeveloped. Or perhaps there is the assumption that nobody ever asked this particular question in quite the same way… (P40).

 Keith Punch, 2006. DevelopingEffective Research Proposals, 2nd Edition,London: Sage.

General research questions are more general, more abstract, and (usually) not themselves directly answerable. Specific research questions are more specific, detailed and concrete. They are directly answerable because they point directly at the data they need to answer them(p24).

 At the heart of this discussion is the process of making a general concept more specific by showing it’s dimensions, aspects, factors, components or indicators (p24).

In empirical research, it is necessary that data be linked to concepts, and concepts to data, and that the links between concepts and data be tight, logical and consistent. Concepts are embedded in research questions, General questions use general concepts, and specific questions use specific concepts(p25).

Translating general concepts down to specific concepts means specifying what the researcher will take to be the indicators, the empirical data of these concepts (p25).

For each question, is it clear what data will be required to answer the question? If the research questions do not give clear indications of the data needed to answer them, we will not know how to proceed in the research when it comes to the data collection and analysis stages(p25).

If you're dealing with a lot of abstract concepts, or find yourself getting that little bit too immersed in the endless flows of "absolutely relevant and interesting literature" your word searches are returning, sometimes going back to basics can really help to bring your research back to reality. 

Kath

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Being Paranoid...

I decided to evade the office today in favour of a full shift in the library, and, after spending much of my day buried under every kind of 'Doing Your Research' publication imaginable, I must say I do feel slightly better about refining my research questions. I'm going to summarize some key points on research questions in tomorrow's post, in the first of what I hope will form something of a weekly 'research round up'. This post, I have since realized, clearly foregrounds my own paranoia about falling behind, exposing myself as falling behind and my now obvious fear of being thought of by others as falling behind. Please, learn from my mania, don't take my advice at face-value, read between the lines, laugh, learn, feel better.

I was starting to think that I was the only one trapped in this cycle of refinement, amendment and, well, resentment...but, as it turns out, there are others! At this point it is important to stress that I have not, repeat not, committed the cardinal sin of comparing 'where I'm at' with my fellow first year colleagues. Aside from a minor academic over-share on Instagram, I have largely followed suit, adopting tactics of vagueness and deflection to avoid, at all costs, questions relating to the specific details of my progress (or lack thereof). No. Instead, I took to Google with my woes and fell upon The Thesis Whisperer  and this post in particular.

To liken the PhD student's quest for the perfect research question to that of a flailing  maniac scrambling about the deck, groping at the air for a party piñata, that is too good. Literally, lets just eyeball the tequila and have done with it.

On a serious note though, no one wants to feel that they've been left behind in first year. Everyone starts out at different points, some people really nail the proposal in the admissions stage, some research is complicated by a more in depth literature search...I could go on, but the point is we're all different. NB. This knowledge does not make anyone feel any better and that is all any first year wants- to be made to feel better. This is why you should only divulge 'where you're at' with individuals who have gained trusted status. It's a useful self-preservation tactic that's all I'm saying.

Kath

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Chasing the Wind...

Two words- research questions. 

It's been a whole YEAR since I submitted my research proposal to the admissions team for my programme. Oh how I look back on that time with knowing sympathy already. 

Rewind 12 months and there I am, beaming face, eyes filled with naive enthusiasm and hope as I digitally sign, seal and deliver what I truly believe to be my final project proposal, with the perfect research questions. 

Soon after, April arrived and brought with it the wonderful news that my research plan had been accepted. All I needed to do was finish up my masters degree by the new academic year. 

I arrived nervously in September to my new shared postgraduate office, shiny new laptop clamped under my arm and brimming with feverish excitement and concern for how best to decorate my desk screens to ensure that they accurately represented my personality. By the time of my first supervisor meeting however, I was prepared. Armed with potential subheadings for my literature review, titles of books I planned to read and a long list of conferences I wanted to attend, I strolled forth feeling confident, organised and in control.

Oh dear.

Why don't they tell you sooner that the proposal you pored all of your blood, sweat and tears into, the proposal you sacrificed your social life and emotional well being for, that that very proposal will serve only as a reminder of your absolute ineptitude for your chosen research field 12 months down the line?   

"So what we're gonna get you to do is really open this research up. Read around this topic more broadly, pull the proposal apart and rebuild it in light of your findings. Think of these research questions as mannequins. They represent the foundations of what you need, but we need to dress them for a particular occasion, a particular purpose so to speak".

Yeah. So I'm still busy with that. I'll keep you updated.

Until next time,

Kath

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6 Months In...

Blog Shmog

So...I'm 6 months in to my PhD already. Wow, time has FLOWN.

Having sat through all the introductory 'How to Manage your PhD' type sessions rolling my eyes and thinking 'please... can I just get cracking on doing my research already?', I must say, I had firmly deflected any claims to the benefits of starting a research blog. Thoughts of 'I won't need that', or 'oh, that won't apply to me' definitely flitted through my mind in those early months. 

Yet here I am, all of a sudden appreciating the value of a little space wherein I can lay out all of the thoughts, ideas and anxieties I might have about my research, or just about being a PhD student in general. 

Looking back now, the months since starting out have been such a whirlwind. Despite staying in the same university where I had studied for my undergraduate and masters degrees, my first semester as a PhD student was like nothing else I had experienced. 

Even the (slight) increase in e-mail traffic to my university inbox stressed me out. I remember thinking, 'oh my god, I am literally going to spend eight hours a day just organizing emails'. Of course, it really doesn't take long to realise that most of the extra stuff finding it's way through to you is from the many postgraduate networks and communities the office automatically affiliates you with to ensure that you are given ample opportunities to make a few pals. Which is nice. No one wants to be a lone wolf for the entirety of the 3-4 years it takes to complete a doctorate.

So I guess these little reflections are what I want to articulate in this space, but also I suspect you will see more specific research musings and perhaps, who knows, entries unpacking more severe anxieties than those induced by a little academic spam.

Until next time, 

Kath

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